That kind of love


Oh, hello February. The last month of my M.A. student life, the hardest month over two years, one of the big milestones in my future career path. Thank you Germany, thank you Heidelberg, for caring me with an open heart, for loving me as much as I love you.

I don’t want to say this, but I think we have to kiss goodbye to each other. I may come back, but at least in the next year, we will be far apart. Will you miss me, because I think I have already left a part of my soul here with you?

But wish me luck, be supportive to this crazy little girl. If it were not you, I would have never gained back my inspiration, my youth sane which I thought had been drained by the fugly harsh post-graduate months in Hanoi. Now I am coming back to Hanoi, true,  but with the new mind. I hope we can meet again, and at that time, you can proudly hug me tightly and toast the congratulations.

Thinking of you, it feels like thinking of my first lover. I have never had any deep (spiritual) connection with another  human being, but for the cities I have stayed, they are either friend or soul mate. You showed me the best part of you, and taught me I deserve much more than what I was treating myself. You were gentle and patient, and you listened to me. That sunset, that rain, that snow, every part of you, I can comprehend thoroughly. You never let me alone. We are greatly accompanied.

That night, when I randomly decided to climb up the castle at night and got soaked in the surreal moment of late winter, I had a silly thought that even if everything ended here, I would not much regret. Then suddenly I saw the red crescent moon hanging on the top of the tower, and in a blink of an eye, a shooting star cut the ebony sky as fast as the sword of Kenshin.

I woke up. Oh no, we cannot stop, it cannot end like that.

I have to be here, once again. I want to share that spectacular feeling with anotherhuman being. I want to tell him that, you, it is you, not him, is my first love. He should be grateful, because you have protected me and given me to him in full shape. I don’t know when all of these things will happen, but I think it will be soon. Meanwhile, I will just do my best, don’t worry, I will come back, with more stories than you can ever imagine, and we can chitchat through the night like the days when I was 20 something and lost my heart to you.

I don’t know why I end up writing cheesy stuff like this. But I have told myself to be more open about my emotions and not afraid of letting people know if I love them, so 🙂 Yes, I love you, very very very very very much. Do you want to dance with me?

Recently I am pretty tired of being called cool, smart, active, bla bla bla. You know, all of those bullshit adjectives. I am not cool or smart, I only pretend to be like that, to cover up my vulnerability. Until one day when somebody discovers that darker side of me, I would be much happy taking off my mask.

I am just kidding though. I am cool indeed, right 🙂 And even smart, maybe.

Good night, my love. Our very last nights together.

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